Logging On  Please Wait
by M.D. Owen
Summary: Late one evening, Raphael is chatting online. Based on personal online conversations. Co-stars Emyrs from "I Remember You" and is generally made fun of.


_I know I've been writing these "simple stories", but they're addicting. This is probably my last one for a little bit. Gotta get back to the main stuff. I make fun of Emyrs in these and that's okay. She doesn't mind. _

* * *

_MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

The little computer alert he had set for his instant messenger account blared from the speakers, and he stopped lifting the barbells to rush and turn the sound down before the other sewer residents castrated him. He had different alerts for the different people on his messenger list.

"Yo, Old lady," he typed out and pushed enter with a thud against the keyboard.

Emyrs replied, "Good evening, Raphael. Do you still have my alert set to a cow's moo?"

"Yep." He chugged down some of his gatorade. "Had my speakers up too loud though."

"What's going on in your world?"

Raphael rubbed his cheek. "Mikey took Splinter out to a ballgame. That kinda threw me for a loop but whatever."

Emyrs chimed, "LOL" followed by three tumbling emoticons.

"You go crazy with those stupid faces. They look weird to me. I don't like all this animation on my screen. I get enough of it with ads."

"Tell Don to put the ad blocker on. Quite simple."

Headphones on, Van Halen music way up. "He keeps forgetting. Tell me how to do it then."

"So Don is good? Leonardo? Go to your browser's website."

He fumbled and clicked around online. "Don joined us in a game of poker and did pretty good. The guys like his dry humor. He experimented on our washing machine the other day. Throwing stuff in it and seeing how fast it can go. I thought it was going to pop. I'm at the site. What next?"

His friend didn't respond quick enough for him so he poked around the browser site and kept clicking on random links. Curiosity got the best of him.

"Em, I ended up looking at a guy in a tutu feeding an emu in a junkyard. WHAT."

No response.

"Crap," he said out loud and pushed the 'buzz' button in the messenger window. "Wake up!"

He saw 'PorcupineCupcake typing' in the task bar. "I dozed off. Go back to your browser's website and type in ad blocker in the search bar."

"It's too early to go to bed!" He laughed at her misfortune.

Mad emoticon times five. "It's 3am here, chump! Are we going to watch Toy Story 3 together or not? Is Mikey joining us?"

"No. I think he's got a date. We've been replaced, Em."

Sadface emoticon from her end.

He coughed and guzzled down the last of his drink. "I found the ad blocker app. Watch me screw this up somehow. BRB."

Notifications popped up on the left hand side of his screen: _'PorcupineCupcake faved a video: Horse Riding Fail _and _changed her status from Hamato Brothers, get on so I can sleep _to_ I think I hear the rooster crowing outside and Abby is on breakfast duty this morning; help me.'_

What a drama queen, he chuckled and typed back to her, "Avoid the eggs. You know what happened last time."

_PorcupineCupcake faved a video: Disney's "Up" house created in real life and flown for National Geographic show_. He blinked and had to click on it.

"This is nuts!"

Those awful rolling emoticons of hers. "I want to put balloons on my house and fly forever!"

"Think we could make the sewer fly out of the ground somehow?"

Delayed response then, "ROFL. Whuuuuuut."

"Leo fell into a hole the other day. He was too busy yakking about planning a vacation for all of us and looking at a brochure and a stack of papers that he didn't see a giant badger hole."

"I bet he passed it off as epically as possible."

"Epic? Why does everybody think of him like that? He whined like a bitch going home. Almost had to carry him but he whined about that too." Raphael nodded his head to the beat. "VAN HALEN YEAAAAAH."

He banged out some notes and did an imaginary guitar riff, ripping the headphones out of his speakers and booming the squeals through the room and the sewer. Splinter's room was next to his, and Raphael could hear a cane knocking on their shared wall.

A few minutes passed and while he was looking through Break and Collegehumor websites, pissing himself laughing and getting the cane slam on the wall a couple more times, he buzzed Emyrs again.

No response.

Head banging, twinkie eating, trip to the bathroom and kitchen. Crashing in Don's room and eating a sloppy peanut butter and jelly sandwich over Don's keyboard and putting goop on the monitor.

Back in his room. "Don can scream when he wants to."

Emyrs' last response was time stamped almost 30 minutes prior to Raphael's trolling. He buzzed her again.

"Time to eat some grease!"

PorcupineCupcake started typing. He leaned into the monitor.

"I'm asleep. Turn off the stove before you come to bed."

"You're asleep?" he quickly chirped on screen. "Wake up and say goodnight!"

Digital silence.

_Buzz, buzz, buzz. _

He leaned back in his chair, arms crossed. Waiting. Splinter and Don were chatting somewhere in the lair.

"Think I need to go now. Sorry. We'll watch the movie later." It seemed like she was back to her senses.

"Did you just sleep-type?" He was grinning.

Slow response. "Huh? I did?"

"Just look back up."

"I'm tired and the cat is biting at my ankles. Good night."

He posted the silly emoticons back at her. "Night night, weirdo!"

PorcupineCupcake signed off. TekTrtle logged on and immediately pinged Raphael. "I'm viewing Engadget through a peanut butter filter. Get in here and clean. PRONTO."

TekTrtle's new status: removing peanut butter and a brother's limb.

* * *

_How would you start off a conversation with one of the ninja turtles?_


End file.
